Core questions to answer at the beginning of a relationship

Gaining an understanding of personality type has been invaluable to me, primarily as a way of understanding myself, how I relate to my world and to other people in it. One of the ways personality type can be used, is in understanding others, so we may form a more productive, fruitful relationship with them.

At the beginning of a relationship we are fascinated with the other person, they are the object of our affection, and the more intensity we can bring to the relationship, the more intense will be the affection, as though it feeds on itself. At some point, however, the limit is reached and the attention we need to pay to ourselves intrudes on the attention we are paying to the other. Reality sets in.

The ability to sustain a relationship beyond the initial in love phase really depends on meshing two different personalities. There are many ways to evaluate two personalities to see how much they have in common… how well they will mesh, or alternatively, will drive each other crazy.

One way to evaluate personality is through the technology of personality type. Originally proposed as a theory by Carl Jung in the early 1900s, the theory was developed and crystallized into a reliable, verifiable and testable technology by two American women, the mother and daughter team of Myers and Briggs. The resulting Myers-Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI) has been administered to millions of people worldwide since the 1950s and has wide scale acceptance. Essentially the inventory is a set of over 120 questions that clarify a person’s preferences. There are four dimensions: Extraversion/Introversion, Sensing/iNtuition, Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving. Four dimensions, each with two possible preferences gives us sixteen distinct personality types.

As an example, the answers to the following questions will help you determine how well mated you and your significant other are for each other. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. The process is for each of you to answer the questions independently and then discuss your answers together.

After you have finished working for the week, and you’re worn out, how do you like to unwind, to recharge your batteries? Do you like to go out with your friends and party, or do you like to cocoon at home alone and have some quiet time?

Do you share your thoughts out loud as they are bubbling up in your mind, or do you have to think about them privately for some time before being comfortable enough to share?

Does it bother you to have someone ask you what you’re thinking?

When you are talking to someone, does it bother you to have them interrupt you?

When you are listening to someone tell you a story, do you wonder how important what they’re saying is, if there is a point, and if they’ll ever get to it?

When working on a project, do you prefer to work on it alone, or in a team?

When you read a newspaper, magazine or technical report, do you skim-read, looking for the main ideas, the big picture, or do you read every page, cover-to-cover?

Are you skeptical about unproven scientific theories of global warming or dinosaur extinctions?

Would you rather work for someone who was fair and impartial, or for someone who was kind?

Would you tell a lie to protect a project or a relationship that you valued highly?

If you have made a decision, and then you get compelling new information that indicates you made the wrong decision, could you reverse your decision?

Do you believe that you can only play when your work is done, or do you believe that you can play any time?

Does the trunk of your car contain equipment and tools for auto maintenance and emergencies? Or does it contain sports equipment, gym clothes, or garage-sale treasures?

Is the laundry done after the dryer is loaded and the start button pushed, or after the dried laundry is removed, folded and put away, and the dryer lint trap cleaned?

When you set off on a vacation, do you like to have a travel plan and an itinerary, or do you prefer just to start off and see where your desires take you, and what adventures come to you spontaneously?

For more information on personality type, I invite you to visit my personality type blog, by clicking the following link: MauiPeterB-PersonalityType.blogspot.com